A Matter of Choice

The blue sedan pulled away from the curb merging into traffic on Elm Street. The two ladies sitting in the front seat remained silent for a few moments, but finally the excitement could no longer be contained. Susan Marsh, and her best friend, Jan, broke forth into laughter as they discussed the details of what had just happened.

    "We did pretty good today!" Jan spoke with enthusiasm in her voice.  "We disrupted one of the largest pro-life rallies to take place in this state. I can hardly wait to see what the news has to say about it tonight."

    Susan brushed back a strand of blond hair as she nodded in approval, "Sure is nice to know that we can go home and not off to jail."

    "Yes, it certainly is," Jan looked back at the police officer who was still watching them as they left. "What I want to know is what the guy said to you on the platform after you got to the microphone?"

    Susan let a smile spread across her face.  "He said that you guys have gone too far this time."

    "And what did you say?"

    "I told him that we've not gone far enough. No one would  take away our right, as women, to have an abortion if we so desired. Pro-Choice is what democracy is all about."

    "That was good!" Jan looked at her friend. "Wasn't he the guy that interviewed you on the radio a few years ago?"

    “Yeah, I was on his  talk show, that religious program. The program went pretty smooth for about forty-five minutes then at the very end it got quite heated.” Susan cleared her throat as she continued, "We got into a big debate over the issue of life starting at conception. We went round and round until he closed the program with this one comment directed right at me. He said ‘The blood of the unborn babies will cry out against you.” Susan paused. “That comment made me so mad, but the program was over and I couldn’t offer any kind of rebuttal. He got in the last punch and that stupid comment has stuck in my mind ever since then. It’s as if the thing haunts me.” Susan turned and looked at Jan. “I guess that's why I wanted so badly to disrupt this particular rally that he was in charge of… and I must say, I feel like I got some revenge today."

    Jan and Susan exchanged glances as the car maneuvered around the corner of Elm and First Street. Jan looked about as she stopped the car for several senior citizens crossing the street. "What’s with all the old people this morning?"

    "It's the Senior Center," Susan turned her head to inspect the building directly across the street. "They're having their weekly square dancing event.  If you can believe it, all the senior citizens come from blocks around."

    "Square dancing?"  Jan half chuckled.

    "Yeah, it's quite funny. One day I was at the pharmacy next door to the Senior Center so I poked my head in to watch. Most of them could hardly scoot around the floor, and some of them weren’t even moving at all which made me wonder if they were still alive."

    Jan felt her grip tighten slightly on the steering wheel as the car was moving again.  "You don’t want to get me started about old people and death. It’s my other pet peeve along with taking away my right to have an abortion. Old people, when it’s their time to die, we need to let them go… People will do everything they can to keep them alive. Why don't we just let them die in peace and be done with it?"

    Susan smiled at Jan’s harsh comments knowing it was just her personality. "That might be a little harsh but I would have to agree with you. Old people have lived their lives and most of the time they just end up being a burden to society when we keep them alive."

    Jan slowly applied the brakes for the red light up ahead.  "When it's their time, we need to let them go and get on with life. The world has to go on."

    Susan hesitated as if in thought. "You know I've always told my husband that when I get to that point in life or if something ever happens to me to just let me go." Susan stopped again to look at Jan. "And knowing you, you'll probably be there to help pull the plug so that I’m not a burden to him."

    Jan got this sly look on her face as she let off the brake and applied the gas. "Just let you go, huh?"

    Both ladies smiled as the small car moved into the intersection. Susan opened her mouth to say something but was immediately interrupted by a high pitched screeching of brakes. Both ladies' heads turned to the right and Susan's eyes froze on the object racing directly towards them.  It was a eighteen wheel semi truck heading straight for her side of the car. Susan's opened mouth attempted to scream, but nothing came out. Her eyes bulged with fear as the skidding truck zeroed in on the blue sedan. The letters on the front of the trunk's grill seemed so over sized. G M C moved ever so rapidly towards Susan's face that they became a blur.

    Then the impact of steel colliding against steel; Glass shattered and filled the air as a wave of metal crashed in upon them and Susan could feel the crushing of bones inside her fragile body.  The noise of the massive truck engine along with the grinding metallic sounds, were deafening to her ears. Then it came…

    Silence…. along with a blackness that was darker than any dark she had ever experienced before…  Nothing, no light, no sound, nothing. It was like a deep, deep sleep.

    Hello is there anybody there? Her mind spoke, but no words came out her mouth. Did she have a mouth? Did she have a body?  Where am I? Hello? Still nothing. Wait I hear something! Music… It sounds like music, yet it sounds so awful, so fearful sounding and it’s growing louder. Whoever is playing the music please turn it off.

    Still no reply just the music growing louder as she begged to have it turned off. It's so horrible, evil sounding. What is it?  That sound.....  Susan's thoughts paused as she listened intently Oh, my God, it's not music! It's the cries of babies. Her mind ached with pressure. She wanted to jump and run, but her body would not respond. All she could think of was the comment that had been haunting her for years. "THE BLOOD OF THE UNBORN BABIES CRY OUT AGAINST YOU "  

This can't be! It isn't true!  Oh, God, help me!

    Suddenly it was silent again. The cries were gone! Where they went and what happened to them she didn’t know. Her mind swirled with thoughts and questions as she cried out for someone to hear her. Who's out there? Where am I? Susan spoke the words clearly in her mind, but the words could not be heard. She tried to figure how long she had been there and where she was. Then she heard something… a swish and a soft clank...  a swish and a clank. What's that? She thought it might be some kind of machine as she listened again. Then she heard a beep, a steady beep in the rhythm of a heartbeat and then a voice! I hear a voice!

    “Jan, the doctors give Susan no hope of making it.” The man standing at the edge of the hospital bed seemed reluctant to speak. “It's been six weeks since the two of you were in the accident, and she's been in this coma ever since." Joe Marsh looked intently at his wife's lifeless body on the bed. "As you know there’s been no sign of improvement."

    That's my husband, Joe!  Susan's voiceless words fell empty into the darkness. That's Joe's voice! That's my husband! I want my husband!

    Joe tugged nervously on his shirt collar as he continued talking. "In the jurisdiction of this state I have the right to take my wife off the life support system if I choose. There is no life in her; just the machines keeping her alive. Jan... What choice do I have?"

    Joe!  Joe!  It's me, your wife. It's Susan!  Listen to me. I'm alive.

    Joe watched as Jan, a friend of the family for years, limped around the edge of the bed.

    He was still amazed at how fast she had recovered, let alone that she had even survived the accident. "Joe,” her voice spoke with understanding. "What would Susan want you to do?"

    Joe dropped his eyes for a moment. "Knowing her," he paused as he ran his hand through his hair, "She always told me to let her go in peace when her time came."

    "That's right Joe. That's exactly what she wanted." Jan looked directly at Joe as she spoke.

    No, Jan!  No!  Listen to me. I was wrong! I'm alive!  Somebody listen to me please. Again Susan's words died in the empty darkness.

    "You know, Jan," Joe's eyes lifted again. "I don't want to make this decision, but I have to do something. I can't afford to go on financially or emotionally. I'm drained."  Joe let out a sigh, "It isn't worth keeping a dead body going by means of a machine. I love her, but she's already dead."

    Jan looked at Joe with compassion in her eyes. "Joe," she paused to wipe the small beads of perspiration from her brow, "You already know that Susan is dead.  There's no life inside that body, the doctors told you that. You loved her dearly, but it is time to go on with your life; It is time to let go."  Jan examined Joe's eyes for some kind of response. Even though the circumstances were different, she had faced similar situations many times in counseling women who were seeking an abortion.

    "You're right," Joe said with exhaustion. "I've got to do what is right for my own life."  Joe finished his sentence just as the doctor was entering the room. "Dr. Phillips, I feel that I have made my choice. I wish to discontinue the use of the life support system for my wife."

    A scream shattered the vast darkness of the emptiness that contained Susan Marsh. No! No! Joe, don't do it!  I was wrong. What I told you all these years was wrong.  I'm alive. I want to live!

    Joe's pen made the final swirl of the tail that he always added to his signature. The ink was still fresh on the official document which would allow the doctors to terminate the life support system. It was a tense moment... one that Joe never imagined he would be involved in.  But it was done.  The signature was complete. It was just a matter of the doctors carrying out their part.

    Joe slipped quietly from the doctor's private office where he had signed the papers.  He walked the corridor rehearsing over and over the doctor's words. "There is no life in the body. There is no life..."

    "Then why do I feel so guilty?  I'm just doing what is best for everyone." Joe worked hard at convincing himself as he walked slowly back to Susan's room. "Nineteen years of marriage," He spoke to himself as he entered the room. Inside the doctors were busy making their final preparations.

    "Susan, I love you," he whispered. "I just want you to know that."  A tear slid from his cheek and fell to the floor. He bent down and kissed his wife on the forehead. "I love you," He repeated as he straightened his body back to an upward position.

    The seconds seemed to dangle in space as the doctors continued their work. Joe noticed the sounds of the life support system easing to a stop. The beep of the heart monitor kept going, but it too was slowing and growing fainter. In another moment Joe felt his heart sink as silence now filled the room. He lowered his head, and the tears ran rapidly down his face.

    Inside the darkened, unseen world, the cries for help had now subsided to sobs of despair.  The voices that Susan had heard had now faded. The other sounds of the hospital room were also gone.

    I love you, too, came her reply. Joe... how could I have been so wrong?  All these years I deceived myself and so many other people.

    Susan felt herself being lifted from her body. This was even more terrifying than anything that had happened up to this point. Looking down, she could see her body lying in the hospital bed below her. Where am I going? she questioned. No reply, just the silence that had engulfed her for the last several moments. Being pulled rapidly forward, everything began to grow strangely evil. A feeling of eeriness surrounded her and she wanted to shout for help. Then it came…

    No… not the music again! Susan let out a shriek. She tried desperately to tune out the noise coming from all directions but the music only grew louder. Then just as it had previously done, it turned to the screams of crying babies. No! I can't take it. I can't listen to these babies!  Oh, God, please help me! I know that I was told that I had to make a choice before I died… but I pray that I’m not too late in asking for help. Her prayers were mixed with sobs of desperation. Her soul ached with agony yet she found herself only continuing in her journey into the darkness with the cries of the babies accompanying her.

    Moments seemed like an eternity until Susan suddenly heard something above all the other sounds; it was laughter. She listened intently trying to sort out the laughter from that of the babies' cries… then suddenly she could see into the darkness.  

    Oh God it can't be!  She screamed with a terror greater than any she had ever felt before. They were all around, a mass of demonic beasts all leeching onto her soul. Her loud shrieks of anguish could not drown out the wicked demonic laughter that rose above that of the crying babies. She desperately struggled to free herself, but to no avail, as the horrifying creatures only pulled her deeper into an eternal darkness.